I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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