i was born a porn star she said
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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