I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
