Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
