Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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