I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
