why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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