He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
