Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
