Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
