woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
