she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
