i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
