Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
