After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
