I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
