Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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