I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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