sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
