Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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