Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
