So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
