bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
