I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
