Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
