Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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