you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
