The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
