Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
