Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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