Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
