Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
