The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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