whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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