we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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