but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
