Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
