STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
