it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
