Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
