Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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