i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
