Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
