I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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