toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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