I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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