So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
be right there i have to get my cape
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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