I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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