if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
