6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
These tits shall not be calmed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
