Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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