Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
