This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
