The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
