I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
